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tonight will be the night that i will

break down again..

ever felt like no matter how hard you try nothing goes right? Everything just build up and breaks down before you can even say your happy. I feel like that every single day. Nobody lets me live my life and be happy. They have to be immature and fuck everything up. I can honestly say I haven't been my true self in a while. To long to even remember the last time i was happy for longer then a day. I keep hoping and wishing all the pieces will come together. All i need i something to make me happy. A boyfriend would be nice, but it would have to be someone i can stay with for a while. Fuck stupid two week relationships. Their stupid.  

mason fucking thomas

      You are my best friend. Although i haven't seen you in a month, you're still my bestie. I miss you more then anything, i can't wait until i see you. I never knew who much i loved you as a friend until the day you didn't come to the pit and you're mom called and told me you were in placement.  Having Tommy, Brad and you all gone within a week was so fucking scary. I thought my fucking world was going to crash down on me. No one knows how much i care and love you, but i hope all three of you have good luck in placement. Tommy and Brad not as much because I'm so just i get to see them everyday. I miss and love you so much you fucker.♥

god i miss you guys.

Having three friends leave in a week is hard as hell.
i miss tommy, brad and mason.
i can't wait until i see mason again though.
i miss him. he became my bestfriend through out the months.
now hes gone.
and i'm lost. 


      Hey there, you know what? I'm going great lately. The holidays were rough, i wasn't to happy with what i got a first. But everythings okay. I got what i truely wanted. :) Being single is fun, but now i'm taken and its great.He makes me so happy, happier then most guys have in the first week. It's very suprising for me. Normally i can just be like a heartless bitch. But to him, we can make fun of eachother and it doesn't mean a thing. I'm so happy. Also i found my true friends for once, there's quite a few of them but its okay. I trust very few of them, but i bet sooner or later i'll trust most of them.

wow, it's been like two months

i'm never on here.


so, youknoww.

DRAMA SUCKS ASS, and we all know it.

i've been having a very odd day, like i felt very weird this morning. then later on in the day i got really happy/hyper n' shit. now i just kind of feel like crying, hmm i do not know. i've been stressin' way to much  the past few days. smoking is like constant too;; i'm still not addicted, i promise. there's someone new on my mind; but its felt like i've known him for a while. i haven't felt like this in a long time, but i'm scared to tell him. it could ruin our friendship. maybe i should just wait and see if he'll come to me? just maybe, it'll work. he'd solve all my problems, and stop that fake smile of mine. i honestly can't stop stressing, just all these little things are building up; i'm just falling apart here.</3. i've been missing this feeling for a while now, and since it's come back i think i should hold on to it. no rush, just its tempting.  butterflies, smiles, laughs, its just all coming back to me. all guys are assholes, iknoww. but they keep me steady, sometimes. :| this is hard to explain

yessir; i seem to be feeling better.

so yeah, i seem to be feeling a lot better.its out of my system; i should be good now. i mess up to much; but i still seem to have a smile on my face. even if its fake; its still a smile. i like this kid; i have my doubts thoough. no worrys; either way ill still be happy (: im gonna start loving the little things in life <33


wake up your a drama queen..

i wanna feel how i felt last summer, love.
i miss that, not him, love. </3

fuck this..

i'm not the same old jacque anymore. i'm not changing; just i hate life right now. today i should of been happy; i just don't feel right. why are all my bad habits comming back to me? i hate this. yeah i know other peoples lives are worse then mine; i dont care right now. i help other people as much as i can. now its my turn hun. i'm tired of getting made fun of constantly when im around you; i thought you weren't like that. and if i said this to your face you'd walk away like last time. i'm tired of faking this smile and acting like its alright. i can't face this thoughl; i'm dying to but i just don't have the hear kay?  i can't believe my feelings came back for YOU again. just why; why am i doing this. i can't go back; i don't think its right. i guess i have to follow my heart.. this is gonna be tough though. i'm very weak at this. i hope when school starts it'll solve it all. <3.